Gentleness and mildness are among the good morals praised and encouraged by Allah and His Messenger. This is expressed in the following verses:
وَلاَ تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلاَ السَّيِّئَةُ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ. وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلاَ الَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلاَ ذُو حَظٍّ عَظِيمٍ
“Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better: then he between whom he and you was hatred will become as if he were your friend and intimate! And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self restraint, none but persons of the greatest good fortune.” (Fussilat 41; 34-35)
فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ اللّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لاَنفَضُّواْ مِنْ حَوْلِكَ
“It was by the mercy of Allah that you were lenient with them (O Muhammad), for if you had been stern and fierce of heart they would have dispersed from round about you.” (Al-i Imran 3; 159)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) advised his followers to apply gentleness and mildness in their preaching and to adorn themselves with these good qualities by saying:
“Verily Allah is kind and He loves kindness and confers upon kindness which he does not confer upon severity and does not confer upon anything else besides it (kindness).” (Bukhari, Adab, 35; Muslim, Birr, 77)
In another tradition, Allah’s Apostle (pbuh) said that:
“If gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it and when it is taken out of anything it damages it.” (Muslim, Birr, 78; Abu Dawud, Adab, 10)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) always showed kindness to the improper actions and behaviors of bedouins, who had not yet been adorned with the beauties of Islam. He would not respond to their harshness with harshness; on the contrary, he would treat them mildly in order to attract their hearts to Islam. There are many beautiful examples of this in the life of the Prophet (pbuh). For example, it was narrated by Abu Huraira (r.a.) that:
“A Bedouin entered the mosque where the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) was sitting, and said,
“O Allah! Forgive me and Muhammad, and do not forgive anyone else.” The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) smiled and said,
“You are narrowing something vast.” Then the Bedouin went away to the furthest part of the mosque and began to urinate and the people approached him in order to reprimand him. The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said to them:
“Leave him alone,” and called for a bucket of water and poured it over the urine. And then he said:
“You have been sent to make things easy for people, not to make things hard.” (Abu Dawud, Taharah, 136)
Bedouins did not usually have the opportunity to learn Islam for they lived away from the Messenger of Allah. This was why they sometimes behaved inappropriately. The Prophet of mercy (pbuh) never exaggerated their actions, nor did he become angry with them or hurt their feelings. He also asked his Companions to do the same. His tolerance towards people who did not know the religion made him loved by them. It also resulted in his teachings being more widely adopted. After learning more, the Bedouin (from the above mentioned tradition) talked about the incident as follows:
“May my mother and my father be sacrificed for him, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) did not rebuke me or insult me. He just said:
“We do not urinate in this mosque; it was built only for the remembrance of Allah and for prayer.” Then he called for a bucket of water and poured it over the urine. (Ibn Majah, Taharah, 78)
Another incident was stated by Mu’awiya b. al-Hakam. He said that:
“While I was praying with the Messenger of Allah (pbuh), a man in our company sneezed and I said:
“May Allah have mercy on you!” Then people stared at me disapprovingly, so I said:
“Woe be upon me, why is it that you stare at me?” They began to strike their hands on their thighs, and when I saw them urging me to observe silence, I became angry but I kept my silence.
May my father and mother be sacrificed for the Messenger of Allah! I believe that neither before him nor after him have I seen a leader who gave better instruction than he. I swear that he did not scold, beat or revile me; but he just said to me after he had finished leading the prayer:
“This act of worship is called ritual prayer. Talking to people is not appropriate during the prayer, for it consists of glorifying Allah, declaring His Greatness and reciting the Qur’an (or words to that effect).” (Muslim, Masajid, 33)
Abdullah b. Ikrash (r.a.) reported the following incident from his father:
“My people, Murra b. Abid clan, sent their alms with me to the Messenger of Allah (pbuh). When I reached Medina, the Prophet (pbuh) was sitting amidst the people of Ansar and Muhajirun. He held my hand and took me to the house of Umm Salama (r. anha). Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) asked:
“Is there anything to eat?” A tray of food filled with meat was brought to us. We approached to eat. I was eating from all sides of the tray, but the Prophet (pbuh) was eating only in front of him. For a moment he held my right hand by his left hand and said:
“O Ikrash! Eat in front of you, because all sides of the plate are the same.”
Then a plate with dry and fresh dates was brought to us. This time I began to eat in front of me, whereas Prophet’s hands were moving all sides of the plate. And he said to me:
“O Ikrash! Eat from wherever you want, for the dates in the plate are of various kinds.” (Tirmidhi, At’imah, 41; Ibn Majah, At’imah, 11)
In this incident Allah’s Apostle (pbuh) held Ikrash’s hands gently and taught him table manners. Holding his Companion’s hand not only increased his respect and closeness to the Prophet but also ensured that he would not forget what he was advised.
The following examples about the Prophet’s correcting mistakes by kindness and mildness are also remarkable.
Abbad b. Shurahbil narrated:
“Once I was poor. My land suffered from drought; so I entered a garden in Medina, and rubbed an ear of corn. I both ate some and put some in my bag. Then the owner of the garden came. He beat me and took my bag. He came to the Apostle of Allah (pbuh) who said to him:
“You did not teach him when he was ignorant; and you did not feed him when he was hungry.” He ordered him, so he returned my bag to me, and gave me one or half a wasq (sixty or thirty sa’s[1]) of corn. (Abu Dawud, Jihad, 85; Nasai, Qudat, 21)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) would even talk kindly to the people whom he disliked and approved their actions in order to avoid being harmed by them. The following narration of Aisha (r.anha) demonstrates this well:
Aisha reported that a person sought permission from Allah’s Apostle (pbuh) to see him. He said:
“Grant him permission (and also added) he is the worst member of his tribe.”
When he came in, the Prophet (pbuh) used kind words for him. (When the man left) I said:
“O Allah’s Messenger! You said about him what you had to say and then you treated him with kindness. He said:
“O Aisha, verily in Allah’s eyes, the worst amongst the people in rank on the Day of Resurrection is one whom the people abandon or desert out of the fear of indecency.” (Muslim, Birr, 73)
Just like the Prophet (pbuh) treated people with kindness, he also commanded his Companions whom he appointed as instructors to do the same. We observe an example of this in the following report:
When Amr b. Murra (r.a.) heard that the Prophet (pbuh) was inviting people to Islam, he travelled to Medina. He recited the following poem before the Messenger of Allah:
I bore witness that Allah is the Truth,
I am the first one who abandoned the stone made idols,
I prepared to be an immigrant,
I overcame obstacles and passed rugged paths
In order to become a Companion to someone personally and genealogically is the best
O Messenger of the people’s King beyond the heavens
Upon this, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) welcomed Amr. Amr said:
“May my mother and father be sacrificed for you, O Messenger of Allah! Send me to my people. As Allah has bestowed me by means of you; hopefully He may bestow upon them by means of me.” Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) sent him to his people and advised him:
عَلَيْكَ بِالرِّفْقِ وَالْقَوْلِ السَّدِيدِ وَلاَ تَكُنْ فَظًّا وَلاَ مُتَكَبِّرًا وَلاَ حَسُودًا
“O Amr! Be kind and say the truth! Do not be harsh and unjust! Stay away from pride and jealousy!” (Ibn Kathir, al-Bidayah, III, 16-17)
People’s psychology does not like harshness and impoliteness. Even if they were harsh people themselves, everybody likes to be treated with kindness. This is because one should treat people kindly especially while teaching them their religion. This is the requirement of friendliness and familiarity.
A true believer treats a sinner mercifully like a bird that has a broken wing. He sees the sinner as someone who needs close attention. He feels in his heart concern for comforting the sinner and finding a way to help him recover; because showing mercy and respect to Creation because of their Creator is the most effective tool to achieve a believer’s virtue and perfection.