Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) set up wonderful principles for sitting manners. For instance, he said that “one of you should not make another man get up to sit in his place. But instead they should open space by widening the circle.” (Bukhari, Jum’a, 20) Another narration of the Prophet (pbuh) stated that one who stands up from his place and goes away and then comes back to it, he has the greatest right to sit in that place. (Muslim, Salam, 31) When companions, who were trained by the Messenger of Allah (pbuh), came to the Prophet (pbuh), each one would sit down where there was room. (Abu Dawud, Adab, 14)
This is a wonderful custom of the companions that we need to take as an example. Because choosing places to sit in a gathering and trying to sit in the best places might cause to discontentment and even fights amongst people. If there is no room for those who attend a gathering late, people should widen or tighten their circle and make room for them. This is among the manners of being in a congregation. Its significance is also mentioned in the Qur’an as follows:
ياَ اَيُّهاَ الَّذِينَ امَنوُا اِذاَ قِيلَ لَكُمْ تَفَسَّحُوا فِى الْمَجاَلِسِ فَافْسَحُوا يَفْسَحِ اللهُ لَكُمْ
“O you who believe! When you are told to make room in the assemblies, (Spread out and) make room: (ample) room will Allah provide for you.” (Al-Mujadila 58; 11)
All these principles are set to prevent fights and resentments between people, which may originate from such reasons, and also to control people in society and accustom them to follow certain manners. These principles of manners are carefully followed in the contemporary Muslim society. Willingly and expecting to receive spiritual rewards, those who are young give their places to the scholars and the elders of the congregation. These are manifestations of how much the Prophet’s Sunnah has affected the Muslim nation.
Another principle of manner of being in a gathering is not to sit between two people without getting their consent first. In this context, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said that:
“One should not sit between two men except with their permission.” (Abu Dawud, Adab, 21)
Separating two people by sitting between them or getting to the front rows by passing over their shoulders is not an appropriate behavior for believers; for in both of these situations there are behaviors which can cause one to hurt others. Also, there might be a secret talk or a special relation between tthe two people. In order to prevent such problems it is suggested to sit in the first available row in the mosques and keep the rows as tight as possible. Anas b. Malik (r.a.) narrated:
“One day when the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) was giving a sermon a man arrived and came to a place close to the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) by stepping over people’s shoulders. After the prayer, the Prophet (pbuh) told the man:
“O so and so! What prevented you from performing the Friday prayer with us?” The man replied:
“O Messenger of Allah! I just wanted to sit in this place.” The Prophet (pbuh) told him:
“I saw you stepping over people’s shoulders and hurting them. You should know that one who hurts a believer actually hurts me and one who hurts me hurts Allah the Almighty.” (Haythami, II, 179)
Even though the man had performed his prayer and in a spot very close to the Prophet, the Prophet’s question to the man “What prevented you from performing the Friday prayer with us?” was to express the inappropriateness of his action. Otherwise no matter how wrong this action is, it is not something that lawfully violates the validity of prayer.
Sitting in the middle of a group to listen to a sermon or to attend a lesson is an action against the proper manners. According to Hudhaifa’s (r.a.) narration, the Apostle of Allah (pbuh) cursed the one who sat in the middle of a circle. (Abu Dawud, Adab, 14)
Such behavior, which is strongly prohibited by the Messenger of Allah (pbuh), is objectionable for two reasons: First, passing to the front rows by stepping over the shoulders of people may cause harm to them. Second, sitting in the middle of a group might prevent people from seeing each other. This is also a different way of hurting people. Another reason for the wrongness of this behavior is that is manifests the psychological immaturity levity of such people.
Believers are prohibited to attend gatherings where anti-Islamic subjects are discussed. Allah the Almighty commands in the Qur’an:
“…when you hear the revelations of Allah rejected and derided, (you) sit not with them (who disbelieve and mock) until they engage in some other conversation. If you did, you would be like them…” (al-Nisa 4; 140)
According to this verse, being in congregations where the revelations of Allah are denied and His Messenger (pbuh) is ridiculed presents a serious danger to one’s faith.
However sometimes one may happen to be in places where useless subjects are discussed. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) showed the door of forgiveness for those who have to attend such gatherings in the following tradition:
“Whoever sits in gatherings where meaningless subjects are discussed and says the following supplication before leaving will be forgiven from his sins:
سُبْحاَنَكَ اَللّهُمَّ وَبِحَمْدِكَ اَشْهَدُ اَنْ لاَ اِلَهَ اِلاَّ أَنْتَ أَسْتَغْفِرُكَ وَأَتُوبُ اِلَيْكَ
“Glorified are You O Allah! I am in your praise, I testify that there is no god but You, I ask your forgiveness and repent unto you.” (Tirmidhi, Daawat, 39)
P. Manners of Accepting Invitations
“If any one of you is invited, he should accept (the invitation). In case he is fasting, he should pray (in order to bless the inmates of the house), and if he is not fasting he should eat.” Muslim, Nikah, 106
Islam declares that believers are brothers (al-Hujurat 49; 10) and attaches importance to the means of strengthening the ties amongst them. One of these means is to accept each other’s invitations. Because Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) counted it as one of the rights of Muslims:
“The rights of a Muslim over his fellow Muslim are five: returning greetings, visiting the sick, attending funerals, accepting invitations, and praying for him saying ‘Yarhamuka-l-lah’ (may Allah have mercy on you) when he sneezes.” (Ibn Majah, Janaiz, 1)
In another tradition, he commanded that “When any one of you is invited to a place, he should attend it.” (Muslim, Nikah, 99) and he also showed this in his actions by accepting invitations.
It was narrated by Itban b. Malik, who was one of the Companions of the Apostle of Allah (pbuh) and who participated in the (Battle of) Badr and was among the Ansar (of Medina), that he came to the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) and said:
“O Messenger of Allah, I have lost my eyesight and I lead my people in prayer. When there is a downpour there is then a current (of water) in the valley that stands between me and them and I find it impossible to go to their mosque and lead them in prayer. O Messenger of Allah, I earnestly beg of you that you should come and observe prayer in my house so that I should then use it as a place of worship. The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said:
“Well, if Allah so wills. I would soon do so.” Itban said:
“On the following day when the day dawned, the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) came along with Abu Bakr at-Siddiq, and the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) asked permission (to get into the house). I gave him the permission, and he did not sit after entering the house. When he said:
“At what place in your house you desire me to say prayer?” I pointed to a corner in the house. The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) stood at that place for prayer and pronounced ‘Allah-u-Akbar’ (Allah is the Greatest) (as an expression for the commencement of prayer). We too stood behind him, and he performed a two-rak’ah prayer and then pronounced salutation (marking the end of the prayer). We invited him (the Holy Prophet) for a meal that we had prepared for him. The people of the neighboring houses came and thus there was a good gathering in our house.” (Muslim, Masajid, 263; Bukhari, Salat, 45-46)
In the tradition mentioned above, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) accepted the invitation of his companions and went to Itban’s house on the very next day after the sun rose high. After the prayer companions offered Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) a dish called Khazira, which is made from thinly sliced meat and flour, and he accepted the host’s offer and ate from it.
Another incident which shows that the Prophet accepted invitations occurred while digging the trenches in the Battle of Trench. When Jabir (r.a.) witnessed that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) was suffering from extreme hunger, he thought about what he could do. He then went to his home. He narrated the rest of the incident as follows:
“I said to my wife,
“I saw the Prophet in a state that I cannot treat lightly. Have you got something for him to eat?” She replied,
“I have barley and a she goat.” So I slaughtered the she-kid and she grounded the barley; then we put the meat in a pot. Then I came to the Prophet when the dough had become soft and fermented and the meat in the pot over the stone trivet had nearly been well-cooked, and said,
“I have got a little food prepared, so come with me, O Allah’s Apostle, you and one or two men along with you (for the food).” The Prophet asked,
“How much is that food?” I told him about it. He said,
“It is abundant and good. Tell your wife not to remove the pot from the fire and not to take out the bread from the oven till I reach there.” Then he said to all his companions,
“Get up.” So the Muhajirn (i.e. Emigrants) and the Ansar (Helpers) got up. When I came to my wife, I said,
“Allah’s Mercy be upon you! The Prophet came along with the Muhajirin and the Ansar and those who were present with them.” She said,
“Did the Prophet ask you (how much food you had)?” I replied,
“Yes.” Then the Prophet said,
“Enter and do not throng.” The Prophet started cutting the bread into pieces and put the cooked meat over it. He covered the earthenware pot and the oven whenever he took something out of them. He would give the food to his companions and take the meat out of the pot. He went on cutting the bread and scooping the meat for his companions till they all ate their fill, and even then, some food remained. Then the Prophet said to my wife,
“Eat and present to others as the people are struck with hunger.” (Bukhari, Maghazi, 29; Waqidi, II, 452)
In this invitation which Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) attended, a miracle occurred and a thousand people and even some neighbors satisfied their hunger with food that was actually just enough for a few people.
Another example of the Prophet’s (pbuh) attendance to invitations is as follows: Anas b. Malik (r.a.) reported:
“The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) led us in the afternoon prayer. When he completed it, a person from Bani Salama came to him and said:
“O Messenger of Allah, we intend to slaughter our camel and we are desirous that you should also be present there on this occasion. He (the Holy Prophet) accepted our invitation. The man went and we also went along with him and we found that the camel had not been slaughtered yet. Then it was slaughtered, and it was cut into pieces and then some of those were cooked, and then we ate them before the sunset.” (Muslim, Masajid, 196)
Our Prophet (pbuh), whose modesty and morality is proverbial, accepted the invitations of the poor and the slaves. Anas bin Malik narrated,
“My grandmother Mulaika invited Allah’s Apostle for a meal which she herself had prepared. He ate from it and said,
“Get up! I will lead you in the prayer.” Anas added,
“I took my hasir (straw mat), washed it with water as it had become dark because of long use and Allah’s Apostle (pbuh) stood on it. The orphan[1] and I stood behind the Prophet (pbuh) and the old lady (Mulaika) stood behind us. Allah’s Apostle led us in the prayer and offered two- rak’ah and then left.” (Bukhari, Salat, 20)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) would sometimes say that:
“I shall accept the invitation even if I were invited to a meal of a sheep’s trotter, and I shall accept the gift even if it were an arm or a trotter of a sheep.” (Bukhari, Hiba, 2)
With these words Allah’s Apostle (pbuh) attracts attention to the significance of accepting invitations which establishes and maintains strong relations among the believers. The most valuable deed in this temporary world and the most acceptable one in the presence of Allah the Almighty are those which promote good human relations and pay attention to such actions that strengthen friendships.
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) advised Muslim women not to look down at the things offered to them by their neighbors; for a believer should be a modest person, and he/she should accept invitations without knowing what the offer will be. He/she knows that arrogance and despising others are characteristics against Islam and avoids them.
Accepting invitations and attending them occupy an important place in improving social relations and in socializing with other people. The attendance of wealthy, knowledgeable, and high ranked people to the invitations from poor people helps them to defeat their inner selves and earn Allah’s pleasure.