“Whoever is pleased that he be granted more wealth and that his lease of life be prolonged, then he should keep good relations with his kith and kin.” Bukhari, Adab, 12
One of the things that Islam emphasizes strongly is “sila-i rahim.” Sila-i rahim means to strengthen and maintain relationships amongst relatives. If they do not live far away, one should frequently visit his/her relatives, help them, and be concerned with their problems. When they are happy, one should congratulate them, whereas console them at their sad moments. If they live in a distant place, then one should sometimes visit them and keep his/her connection through means of communication. Allah the Almighty says in the Qur’an:
“…and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, by Whom you demand one of another (your rights), and (to) the ties of relationship; …” (al-Nisa 4; 1)
Allah the Almighty attracts our attention to the significance of this issue by mentioning to be careful about Him and to be careful about keeping ties of relationship in the same sentence.
Although, sila-i rahim is primarily about one’s relation with his/her relatives, it also is a responsibility towards neighbors, friends, colleagues, brothers in religion, and other acquaintances. Allah the Almighty says in the Qur’an:
“Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good – to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbors who are near, neighbors who are strangers, the Companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and what your right hands possess…” (al-Nisa 4; 36)
Severing the ties with relatives and treating them badly is a sin in Islam. The extent of goodness varies in accordance with the closeness of the relationship. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) stated that trustworthiness and kinship would be a measure in crossing over the bridge to Paradise. These qualities will be sent before one and will stand on the right and left of the bridge to Paradise. And they will catch anyone who did not fulfill these responsibilities properly by hooks and throw them into Hell fire. (Muslim, Iman, 329) Therefore, it does not look likely that those who cannot pass the test of establishing good kinship ties will not be able to pass the Path.
The following traditions of the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) manifests how significant this matter in Islam:
The Prophet (pbuh) said,
“Allah created His creation, and when He had finished it, the kinship got up and caught hold of Allah whereupon Allah said,
“What is the matter?” On that, it said, “I seek refuge with you from those who sever the ties of kith and kin.” On that, Allah said, “Will you be satisfied if I bestow My favors on him who keeps your ties, and withhold My favors from him who severs your ties?” On that, it said, “Yes, O my Lord!” Then, Allah said, “That is for you.” Then the Prophet (pbuh) added:
“If you wish, you can recite:
“Would you then if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land and sever your ties of kinship. Such are the men whom Allah has cursed for He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.” (Muhammad 47; 22) (Bukhari, Tafsir, 47; Muslim, Birr, 16)
One should pay much attention to keeping his/her family ties strong. Even if our relatives sever their ties with us, we should keep in contact with them with the Hereafter in mind and listen to their problems. A person said:
“Allah’s Messenger, I have relatives with whom I try to have close relationship, but they sever (this relation). I treat them well, but they treat me ill. I am sweet to them but they are harsh towards me. Upon this he (the Holy Prophet) said:
“If it is so as you say, then you in fact throw hot ashes (upon their faces) and there would always remain with you on behalf of Allah (an Angel to support you) who would keep you dominant over them so long as you adhere to this (path of righteousness).” (Muslim, Birr, 22)
Another saying was narrated by Abdullah bin Amr (r.a.):
“The Prophet said,
“‘Al-Wasil’ is not the one who recompenses the good done to him by his relatives, but ‘Al-Wasil’ is the one who keeps good relations with those relatives who had severed the bond of kinship with him.” (Bukhari, Adab, 15)
Making the visited relatives happy seems as if it only benefits them, but it actually helps the visitor; because visiting relatives not only benefits the visitors in the Hereafter but also in this world, too. The Messenger of Allah explains some of these benefits as follows:
“Whoever is pleased that he be granted more wealth and that his lease of life be prolonged, then he should keep good relations with his kith and kin.” (Bukhari, Adab, 12; Muslim, Birr, 20-21)
In addition to visiting relatives, visiting friends is also very important. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) would visit his companions. The following tradition nicely explains this issue:
“A man set out to visit a brother in faith in another town and Allah sent an angel on his way. When the man met the angel, the latter asked him,
“Where do you intend to go?” He said,
“I intend to visit my brother in this town.” The angel said,
“Have you done any favors for him?’” He said,
“No, I have no desire except to visit him because I love him for the sake of Allah, the Exalted, and Glorious.” Thereupon the angel said,
“I am a messenger to you from Allah (to inform you) that Allah loves you as you love him (for His sake).” (Ibn Hanbal, II, 292)
The Prophet (pbuh) said, “Allah will give shade, to seven, on the Day when there will be no shade but His. (These seven persons are) a just ruler, a youth who has been brought up in the worship of Allah (i.e. worships Allah sincerely from childhood), a man whose heart is attached to the mosques (i.e. to pray the compulsory prayers in the mosque in congregation), two persons who love each other only for Allah’s sake and they meet and part in Allah’s cause only, a man who refuses the call of a charming woman of noble birth for illicit intercourse with her and says: I am afraid of Allah, a man who gives charitable gifts so secretly that his left hand does not know what his right hand has given (i.e. nobody knows how much he has given in charity), and a person who remembers Allah in seclusion and his eyes are then flooded with tears.” (Bukhari, Adhan, 36; Zakat, 16)
Companions also attached much importance to visiting family and friends. Abdullah b. Mas’ud (r.a.) asked his friends who came to visit him from Kufa to Medina:
“Do you sit and discuss scholarly issues?” They replied:
“We never stop doing that.” Ibn Mas’ud (r.a.) asked again:
“Do you visit each other?” They said:
“Yes, O Abu Abdurrahman, Some of us even go from one side of Kufa to the other side of it to check his friend, if he does not see him for a while.” This answer pleased Ibn Mas’ud (r.a.) and he told them:
“If you maintain this state of yours, then you would live happily and peacefully.” (Darimi, Muqaddimah, 51)
Salman (r.a.), who knew very well how important this issue was, walked from Medina to Damascus just to visit his friend Abu al-Darda. (Bukhari, Adab al-Mufrad, p. 127; no: 346)
There are some manners which need to be observed during such visits. Some of them are as follows:
– Visiting hours should be chosen well. One should avoid going for a visit during the hours of sleep, meals, and working hours.
– If it is possible, the host should be informed in advance. And the visitor should be there exactly at the scheduled time.
– The visitor should wear clean, tidy clothes, and should avoid bad smells and looks.
– Visits should be short. If one is visiting the old, he/she should listen to them carefully and stay away from words, which may hurt them. One should bring good news to them.