“Believers who are inflicted upon a calamity should think about my death to console themselves and be patient.” Muwatta, Janaiz, 41
Even though the Arabic word “ta’ziyah” refers to consoling those who are inflicted upon a trouble, it usually implies to visiting a funeral house and expressing one’s condolences. It is necessary to advise patience to people who are inflicted upon a trouble, remind them to have faith in destiny, and tell them that such troubles are the means of attaining spiritual maturity. Moreover, it might have some effect in consoling them to say that “Allah the Almighty increases His servant’s spiritual rewards because of his suffering.” It is among the most important manners of ta’ziyah to pray for such people by saying “May Allah increase your rewards” and “May Allah bestow upon you the best patience.”
Ta’ziyah can be done by personally visiting the people who experience the hardship or by calling them or sending them a message. Once when Zainab (r. anha), the Prophet’s daughter, sent a message to her father saying that:
“My son passed away. Could you please come to our house?” Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) sent someone along with his greetings to his daughter saying:
“Allah is the One who gives and takes back. Everything has a time in His presence. Tell her to be patient and expect its rewards from Allah the Almighty.” (Bukhari, Janaiz, 33)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said that ta’ziyah was a very important humanistic duty and added that: “Allah the Almighty will clothe a garment of honor upon a believer who visits his brother suffering from a trouble.” (Ibn Majah, Janaiz, 56)
The following letter of the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) to Mu’adh b. Jabal (r.a.) for the death of his son is an elegant and beautiful example of expressing one’s condolences:
“In the name of Allah,
From Muhammad the Messenger of Allah to Mu’adh b. Jabal
May Allah’s peace be upon you
I would like you to know that I praise Allah that there is no god save Him. May Allah increase your reward; may He bestow great blessings and the power of patience upon you. May He let us and you succeed in thanking Him; because our lives, possessions, family and children are His gifts entrusted to us temporarily.
Allah made you happy by giving you that child. Now He takes him back in return for a great reward. If you hope to receive mercy, forgiveness, and guidance from Allah the Most Exalted, be patient. Do not let your grief and pain make your reward disappear. Otherwise you will feel regret. You should know that wailing and complaining cannot bring anything back and remove the grief and pain. What is predestined to happen has happened. Peace (be upon you)!” (Hakim, III, 307)
In addition to consoling a person in grief with words, one may also need to help him with actions. Indeed when the news of Ja’far b. Tayyar’s (r.a.) martyrdom reached the Messenger of Allah (pbuh), he said: “Prepare food for the family of Ja’far for there came upon them an incident which has engaged them.” (Abu Dawud, Janaiz, 25-26)
There is still a custom in Turkey that neighbors bring food to the funeral house for a few days which is a nice reflection of this prophetic advice.
Expressing one’s condolences is an Islamic manner; however continuing to express condolences for more than three days is regarded as objectionable. This is to prevent from keeping the grief which one feels fresh in their mind. Those who are not present at the funeral because of distance are exempted from this rule.